DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
