All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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