Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
