Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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