i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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