Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize