i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
