You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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