I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
