Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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