I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
