i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
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Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
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I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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