pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
