I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
