just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
