This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
