I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
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I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
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bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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