His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
