sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Small penises have feelings too.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
