Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
