Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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