I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
