It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
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