turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
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dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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