I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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