I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
