i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
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he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
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I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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