1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
