My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
