I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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