dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Someone signed my nipple.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
