everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
