Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
