life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
