I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
