Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
It's blow job season.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Randomize
