if you like me you must not know who I am
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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