I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
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