Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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