my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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