Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
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