fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
