Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
