I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
50% drunk capacity currently
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
