Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
