so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Randomize
