Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
