Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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