It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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