The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Send help, water and tortillas.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
