She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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