Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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