I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize