Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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