Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
you win again, gameday.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
