A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
