i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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