I'm sorry my penis didn't work
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize