i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
