I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
