As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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