watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
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