what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
