god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
