yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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