I cockslap morals
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
