grandma shit on top of the toilet
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
