Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
