I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize
